Monday Morning Masters Mayhem
Lydia Taylor April 7th, 2008
Life in a town that hosts a ‘Major Sporting Event’ like the Masters Golf Tournament can be fun and aggravating at the same time. The Augusta National course is absolutely breathtaking. But even though Master’s tickets are the hardest passes in all of sports to get, the massive crowds and snarling traffic that come here can test any Augusta resident’s patience. So in that vein, I’d like to present my (tongue firmly in cheek) list of activities that some Augustans might think of doing during the greatest week in golf.
- Avoid Master’s traffic - Washington Road in particular is to be traveled on only as a last resort. Meanwhile, tell visiting in-laws that Washington Road is ‘the easiest way to get anywhere’.
- Make mental note to apply for Master’s Badges so you can visit one time before you die (waiting list is over 30 years).
- If you have Master’s Badges, rent your home for the week for an exorbitant sum - leaving Master’s Badges on the kitchen counter - and vacation in Panama.
- Take a job in the food and beverage industry. After working for only one week, use the spare $30K you earned in tip money to retire to Panama.
- Take a week’s vacation in Panama, showing up to work the Monday after Master’s week with a farmer tan and a Master’s 2008 visor, yelling loudly in the office about how ‘Tiger was an ass at Amen Corner and didn’t sign my T-shirt.’
- If a teenager, find the nearest corporate hospitality house in the neighborhood and steal a couple cases of complimentary booze out of the garage.
- Surf the free seafood buffets all over town, mumbling incoherently about how you are ‘a local’ and you are ‘taking an extra plate home to warm up later’.
- Stand in front of any lot on Washington Road, holding a sign saying, “Parking - $20.” When angry homeowner comes out (or lot gets full), move a block down the street and start over. Use proceeds to vacation in Panama.
- Camp out in front of any bar on Broad Street with a camera. Sooner or later some drunken celebrity will get thrown out into the street. We all know that Drunk+Celebrity+Photo = Profit. Vacation wherever you like, according to A, B, or C-list celebrity income.
- Lawn Chair - $10. Umbrella - $5. Hand painted sign - $2. Selling your free Par 3 tickets to a guy from Michigan with screaming kids in the car - Priceless.
The following list was a carefully crafted attempt at humor. If you didn’t find it funny, feel free to tell me during your visit next year, and NO - I’m not giving you Master’s tickets, so don’t ask!
- Fun Stuff
- Comments(3)
Lydia-
That is classic! We understand something about springtime annual sporting events here in Louisville Kentucky. Waiting list is long as well (not quite 30 years though!-grin). I needed a smile at the end of the day. Thanks for providing it. I hope all is well with you and your family!
Best;
Eric
We just got done with South by Southwest here in Austin. Its a lot of fun and spices up the town every year but by the time it wraps up I am ready for it to be over. Its pretty overwhelming. It sounds like the Masters might be similar.
Sounds like Vegas during NASCAR. If you coming into town right after the races are over, you might as well park your car for a good hour and a half.